For years, I let my love for coding consume me. Hours would slip by as I worked on projects, debugged tricky issues, or just got lost in the thrill of learning something new. At the time, I thought that was just part of being a great developer—putting in the extra hours, going all in.
But looking back, I realize that my dedication came at a cost. My family—my wife and kids—were upstairs living life while I was in the basement, glued to my screen. I wasn’t fully present, and I didn’t see how much I was missing until much later.
Now, I approach things differently. Here’s what I’ve learned about balancing my passion for coding with the people who matter most.
1. Work Will Always Be There—Your Family Won’t Wait
Early in my career, I treated work as the highest priority, assuming my family would always understand. The reality? Time with them is limited. Kids grow up fast. Moments with loved ones pass quickly. No project, no feature, no late-night debugging session is worth missing those irreplaceable moments.
Now, I make a conscious effort to leave work at work. When I’m done for the day, I shut down my computer and shift my focus to my family. It took me too long to realize that they deserve my best energy, not just whatever’s left over after work.
2. Setting Boundaries is Key
I used to think, “I’ll just fix this one last bug,” but that often turned into hours. I had to get strict about my work schedule:
I set a hard stop time for work every day. No more “just five more minutes.”
I keep my weekends for family—no work, no side projects, no emails.
If I want to tinker with code, I do it after my family is asleep or in short, scheduled bursts that don’t interfere with quality time.
3. Quality Over Quantity Matters
Spending time with family isn’t just about being there physically—it’s about being present. I’ve been guilty of nodding along while my mind was still processing code in the background. Now, I try to give my family my full attention.
Phone down, laptop closed, actually engaged in conversations.
Planning meaningful activities together rather than just co-existing in the same space.
4. Burnout Doesn’t Make You a Better Developer
I used to believe that the best developers worked long hours, always grinding. But burnout is real, and it doesn’t make you more productive—it just makes you exhausted. I’ve found that taking breaks, getting outside, and spending time with my family actually improves my problem-solving skills. A fresh mind solves problems faster than a tired one.
5. Lead by Example
If you’re in a leadership role, your team is watching. If you stay online late, answer emails on weekends, or never take breaks, they’ll feel pressured to do the same. I want to model a healthy work-life balance for my team, so they know it’s okay to log off and enjoy life outside of coding.
Final Thoughts
It took me years to realize that I could be both a passionate developer and a present husband and father. The key is intentionality—setting boundaries, making time for what matters, and recognizing that coding will always be there. Your family won’t.
If you’ve struggled with balancing coding and personal life, what has helped you the most? Would love to hear anybody's thoughts