The dreaded word, 'anxiety'. My parents do not believe in it, for them anxiety symptoms are just them being human. Interrupting you mid-sentence is not them being impatient, it is you taking too long to articulate your thoughts. I really do not mind at this point, even though I think I should (self-love). Some things just become your 'normal' and they also become your definition of love, which in turn means you would expect the same behavior from your significant other. For me it means I like it when someone finishes up my sentences, feels really good to me. For others it's rude. Knowing these nuances can give you an advantage in building good relationships at work and shipping large software features.
Delivering a good amount of code can be anxiety inducing, there are so many things that can go wrong. QA can be mad at you for finding so many wrong things in functionality, pissed off customers because they can't get the thing to work, your work getting picked at during retros. At least these are the things (I think) I worry about when shipping a lot of code at once. Notice how all of these examples include people getting mad at me, huh, maybe I'm just afraid of conflicts. It sucks getting yelled at, on the other hand it makes me a reliable and consistent worker. I consistently meet deadlines and people who plan stuff can count on me when I give estimates about how long my work is going to take. However, as a Software Engineer it is also important to show initiative and take chances when proposing changes the code.
Maybe you see something in the code that needs to be re-architected but you know it means possible conflicts with engineers who wrote the code or other people in the team who were involved in the change. That's a lot work. And I don't mean a lot of work as in working typing the code, I mean a lot of mental work and will power to believe in yourself and push for the change. It means a lot of conversations, a lot of repeating yourself. And once the damn thing is re-architected you need to continue having those conversations to make sure the change remains the same or better than you envisioned it. I get frustrated just typing this out. That's depression more than anxiety now that I think of it... There's some of that here also, surprise surprise.
Conclusion
Panic attacks during meetings, bowel issues before meetings, you name it. Especially at new jobs, the first few months are the worst. 4 paragraphs. That's enough for now. Anxiety and depression as a Software Engineer. I deal with them by trusting my thoughts, only because I believe to be a good person who genuinely wants the best for everyone – including myself.
