Ever dreamed of creating a NextJS app that's so sluggish it makes users question their life choices? Look no further! Follow this comprehensive guide to ensure your Next application performs like it's running on a potato connected to dial-up internet. Let's dive into the art of building spectacularly slow applications!
⚡ TL;DR:
Want your NextJS app to crawl? Skip image optimization, load your entire codebase upfront, trigger endless re-renders, ignore server components, deploy massive edge functions, and run calculations in all the wrong places. Or do the opposite if you actually want happy users.
1. Say No to Image Optimization
Next.js spent countless hours creating an Image component that automatically handles responsive sizing and lazy loading.
Why would you use that?
Instead, reach for the classic
The client complaining about Core Web Vitals? Tell them it's a premium feature for phase two.
2. Load Everything Upfront Because YOLO
Code splitting? Dynamic imports? Lazy loading? Sounds like a lot of work.
Real developers import the entire codebase on page load. Admin dashboard? Load it on the homepage. Data visualization library? Everyone might need that eventually. All 15 form validation libraries you couldn't decide between? Better safe than sorry.
When users complain about the 8MB JavaScript bundle, remind them that patience is a virtue.
3. Treat Server Components Like They're Radioactive
Next.js 13+ introduced server components that reduce JavaScript sent to the client. Clearly, this is a trap.
Stick with client components for everything. Why let the server handle data fetching and rendering when you can push all that work to your users' devices?
Make sure to add "use client" at the top of every file, even for completely static UI elements. Consistency is key!
4. Build Edge Functions That Would Make AWS Blush
Serverless functions should be small, focused pieces of code with quick cold starts. That's for amateurs.
Instead, create massive edge functions that import half of npm. Nothing impresses like a function that takes 8 seconds to cold start because you included an entire machine learning library to validate email addresses.
When your functions hit timeout limits, just split them into two equally massive functions that call each other.
5. Re-render All The Things
React's component model is built around efficient updates. Ignore that completely.
Store all your state at the top level. Pass it down to every component. Update that global state on every keystroke. Watch your app re-render like a slideshow from 1998.
Never use React.memo, useMemo, or useCallback – those are just fancy decorations for people who don't appreciate the warm glow of their CPU fans.
6. Run Expensive Calculations in All the Wrong Places
Complex data transformations? Do them on the client during render. Simple formatting that could happen at build time? Make it a runtime calculation on every page load. Database queries that could be cached? Refetch that data on every request!
For bonus points, implement recursive functions without memoization in frequently rendered components. Nothing says "professional" like calculating the same Fibonacci sequence 50 times per second.
The Truth Behind the Joke
These anti-patterns show up in real NextJS apps more often than you'd think. Each "how to fail" point has a corresponding best practice:
- Use next/image for optimization, lazy loading, and preventing layout shifts
- Embrace code splitting with dynamic imports to load only what's needed
- Leverage server components for data fetching and static elements
- Keep edge functions lean and focused to minimize cold start times
- Prevent unnecessary re-renders with proper state management
- Calculate at the right time and place - build time for static data, server-side for cacheable data, and client-side only when necessary
The difference between a sluggish NextJS app and a lightning-fast one often comes down to these fundamentals. Your users won't thank you when things are fast, but they'll definitely notice when they're slow.
What performance sins have you witnessed in NextJS apps? Confess your frontend transgressions below!
Shout-out to @cypriantinasheaarons — your post inspired me to try a more sarcastic take on performance tips. Loved it!
