I’ve been three weeks in the desert
We build apps that run on an embedded system with less RAM than a Raspberry Pi, rendering on a TV.
To improve performance, another team built a POC replacing standard DOM elements with a canvas managed by a library called pixi.js. The idea was to boost rendering speed.
Meanwhile, product and design prepared a new app to launch this month — a kind of Amazon for products: a grid where you can click and buy. A test to see if we could build more store-specific apps.
Since we had time ahead, we decided I’d take care of this grid, drawing everything directly on canvas — rectangles, lines, all raw. My teammate had already experimented with this library, but I jumped in so this tech wouldn’t become a black box in the project.
Three weeks later, I’ve failed.
It’s hit me hard.
My confidence is shattered.
Impostor syndrome is hitting harder than ever since I’m supposed to be the senior here.
Every time I’ve faced something new in my career, I’ve leaned on the community: StackOverflow, GitHub Discussions, public issues…
Always found experienced people willing to help.
This time, nothing. No answers, barely any docs, few examples.
I ended up cloning the repo trying to figure things out from the inside, but it was way beyond what I could handle.
Shaders? Graphics contexts?
It’s a completely different world and I feel totally alone. And the clock keeps ticking ⏲️
I was honest with my manager today:
- “This thing defeated me. I’m stuck, I feel like I’ve failed.”
He told me to breathe, focus on other tasks for now, and we’ll try again next week.
I know the theory (despite didnt apply it) So if you’re reading this:
- Don’t isolate yourself in the learning process. Pair up early, even if just to explore the unknown together.
- Be brutally honest with yourself and your team earlier, not after weeks of suffering.
- Learning a new paradigm takes time. Graphics programming is not "just another JS lib" — it’s a different mindset.
- Protect your confidence. You’re not less skilled because you hit a wall. You’re just in unfamiliar terrain.
- Even seniors need maps sometimes.
Anyway, that’s where I am today.
thanks for reading.
